Sangria, Salsa and Secret Dinners

Well...we met for dinner last night at Mad Mex and spent 4 hours talking. Most of it was catch up chit-chat but some was about the two of us and what happened between us. I found out that he actually moved in with the ex-girlfriend and her 3 children (the relationship he left me for, the one he HAD to try to make it work with again). That lasted for a few months and they have since seperated. The moment I saw him all of the feelings I had came rushing back and the time we spent together was easy and fun like it always had been. He made it clear that he is conflicted and trying to put his life in order and doesn't know if I will ever be apart of it. He claimed to understand how deeply he has hurt me and doesn't want to hurt me again. I appreciate that but, I still cried the whole way home! I know that I can't force something that isn't there, but for me it is there. I would like nothing more than a chance to see if we could have again what we once shared. I guess I have to take him at his word and live my life for myself. Do things that make me happy, enjoy the time I have now and if the time comes when he wants to try again...then I can deal with it. If only I could stop wondering...

• Could I ever be with him and not feel like I am the person he is with because it didn't work out with the person he wanted to be with?
• Is he thinking about me now?
• How about now?
• How do I fight the urge to call him, or email him?

I guess I blog...

So I was able to keep our dinner a secret for 4 days from all friends and family...quite a feat for me!He and I talked about what my loved ones think about him and I think he was suprised that I hadn't told anyone we were getting together. I didn't say anything cause I didn't know what to expect and I didn't want to hear all of the negative things I knew would be coming. On the way home from dinner I called my mom and told her. She was not happy that I had lied about where I was...she always thinks about accidents and emergencies. Telling her about my meeting was not as awful as I thought it would be although at one point, she specifically told me to "stay away from him"...she thinks he is a commitment phobe who will run for the hills when push comes to shove. She may be right...but I pointed out that it is my life and I need to live it in my own way. She agreed and suggested maybe I do tell too much and also that I take people's opinions too seriously...both of which are true. She also complemented my ability to keep the secret of our dinner for four days. I'm glad that I told her and she accepted what I did...but I also know that she is hoping and praying that his plans don't include me!

Now for telling my friends...2 specifically that I tell everything to...I'm going to take a minimalist approach. Something like "We had dinner...it was fine"...hopefully I won't crack under the pressure of the Spanish Inquisition, maybe they will let me off easy!